im sinking like a stone in the sea

..i slept there on the floor for weeks, and you stayed between your comfortable sheets

2004-05-12T11:47:47Z

_parchedghosts_

ive decided not to quit livejournal.

most of the entries are friends only, but some are going to be public.

xobstacleonex @ 2004-05-09T23:43:00

2004-05-10T03:45:37Z

no more livejournal.

im sticking to pen and paper and letting my thoughts bleed.

that way, anything that i'll say wont be up for discussion.

maybe ill start it up again some other time.

but right now, life is too hectic.

love,

nick

dear everyone,

2004-05-09T06:01:29Z

dear everyone,

if any of you fucking cared, you'd want me to be happy.

i am happy where i am, so let me be.

its my relationship, not yours. so fucking stay out of it.

dont make any arguments, such as:

"she wrote this in livejournal, so that means that she treats you badly".

fuck you, you dont know whats going on. if you're basing all of your opinions on livejournal entries, then you're a fucking sad, sad soul.

"she said this, and therefore that makes her stupid, and she called me on some shit that ive done, and etc"

fuck you, if you actually took the time to know her, you'd have a different fucking opinion. p.s.- i think its time that you shut your fucking mouth (you know who you are)

if you want to make things any better, or if you care about me in the least, you'd contact me and talk to me about things.

if you dont, then you were never worth my time to begin with.

have a nice night.

i look forward to hearing from none of you.

..so this is revolution?

2004-05-07T03:59:12Z

"nick, you need to grow a backbone and stand up for yourself".

and when i do, what happens?

good fucking night.

..are you going to die with the music inside?

2004-05-07T03:12:00Z

"not bad for a thursday", i say.

school was really easy today. john came into my theory class, and showed me his lyric book. he did this really really cool collage of lyrics when he was in iss. it took him three hours to do and it looks exellent. he also let me read some of his new stuff, and i like it alot.

after school, i called albert. we decided to go eat, but i had to get my check from work first, so i'd have money. so we ate, then went back to my house and watched some of "beverly hills ninja" and "angus". then britt called me back, and i went to her house.

the band planned on playing a show with sweet lucy brown and turncoat on friday, but that fell through. we were supposed to get our stuff from tyler's, but we didnt, because..we're not playing the show. as far as i know, it never existed. and im kinda pissed because we were all excited about this one.

so anyway, i went to wendy's and then back to britt's to watch "friends". so we watched that, and then i went home.

im planning on taking it easy tomorrow. me and tennis are going to hang out. not exactly sure what we're going to do, but you know, its always an adventure when you get us two together. i want to go to barnes and noble to get an art book and the new alt press. and maybe somewhere else. but ryan's got some sort of job interview tomorrow at three, so we wont have that much time to mess around.

well, its almost eleven thirty, and i think im going to watch family guy.

goodnight.

..there's no use to keep a secret, everything i hide ends up in lyrics

2004-05-05T02:22:56Z

today was a really shitty day.

i came to school at eleven, so i could go to third period. we're writing musical compositions in that class, and its fun. im using my own lyrics and everything. i need to work on guitar parts tonight, as well as stuff for college and updating my minidisc in preparation of another shitty day tomorrow.

anyway, i had to stay at school until it ended at three fourty three. and it was fucking terrible. too bad i have to do the same exact thing tomorrow. but hey, atleast i'll have some music.

afterschool, me and britt went to her house. we ate a little, and then started to walk to her house. jessica and her sister drove by and picked us up, which was really cool of her.

then me and britt played with hannibal. then when my dad came home, me and britt went upstairs and slept. we slept from five thirty until about eight, which is a pretty long nap. somehow, im tired right now.

the avalanche are on right now. its currently three to one, and they are down three games to two in the series. they've made quite a comeback. im proud of my team. but they better fucking win, or i'll be pissed.

(edit: the avs just lost. im pissed)

so anyway, we're heading back to the studio tomorrow. hopefully we'll be completely done by friday. maybe more, maybe less. not too sure as of yet.

well, its time for some work.

with love,
nick

..roll the windows down

2004-05-02T05:25:16Z

i was sick for most of the day. i threw up a couple times over the course of the day, and noone (including the mangaers) seemed to care. wow, thanks guys.

anyway, i got off early since rachel (thank god, my savior) took the rest of my shift. but she got a good incentive out of the deal, by not having to clean up anything at the end of the night.

feeling sick, i rushed home because i told britt we'd go see copeland.

we got there at eight, and cartel was playing. they were really really good, and their guitarist was really familiar, since he's been at ever copeland show that ive been to. i wanted to talk to him, but i didnt because im a shy bastard, and he was talking to other people.

lovedrug was next. they reminded me of a mixture of coldplay, starsailor and celebrity. they had an extremely long soundcheck, since they had to soundcheck the piano, and then the monitors werent working, and all that shit. anyway, they were pretty good. and they just signed to our future record label: the militia group (HA HA), so thats a huge accomplishment.

copeland came up. without rusty playing drums, which made me sad. i cant believe he left the band. anyway, they played some old favorites ("that awful memory of yours", "coffee") and one new song that aaron played on the keyboard that was untitled. kids were screaming "one more song", so they came out for an encore. they played "testing the strong ones" and were lucky, since aaron said: "we only know one more song to play for you". i love that song.

good show overall. i met mister trask there, and we stood by him the entire show, and moved up front for copeland. he seemed to enjoy himself.

apparently, lunchbox was there, but i didnt see her. which is sort of odd, since there wasnt that many people at the show.

anyway, after that, we left and headed for home. me and britt ate a burrito each, she spilled a bunch of cheese on the ground, and then i took her home.

and now, im excited about recording tomorrow. jeffy is going to call me and twelve, so we can head over to tyler's together, or something of that nature.

i still didnt get jordan a birthday present, and i feel bad.

eh, ill get him something. something cheesy, probably.

goodnight everyone.

BAH!

2004-05-01T17:26:09Z

i have to work today, so that means no copeland.

im not feeling too good, so hopefully i can get out because i dont feel good. ive already thrown up twice today, so that should be enough reason.

tomorrow i have to work again. so im going to try and get someone to work for me. but alas, all my co workers dont care enough to take my two-eight shift. thanks guys.

last night was not so great. me and britt ate pizza at my house and watched "groundhog day". thats about it.

i forgot to call two people, and now they're going to be pissed off at me. you know who you are, since one of you already made it apparent that you were.

britt slept over and i made pancakes in the morning. i hate pancakes now.

well, im off to work.

..time keeps passing on again

2004-04-29T05:09:50Z

FUCK YEAH, THE AVS WON TONIGHT. WHICH MEANS THEY'RE BACK IN THE SERIES.

SHARKS LEAD THREE GAMES TO ONE.

anyway, jeff is lucky that gerard fucking called him.

albert, brendan, jeremy and james were lucky to go to the mcr concert tonight.

my parents are lucky they're sleeping.

everyone else is lucky because they're not me.

we move our stuff to tyler's studio tomorrow. i cant wait to fucking record.

kind of a pointless entry, but i think everyone needs one every once in a while.

goodnight. its fucking one am.

..i feel i must interject here

2004-04-28T02:49:02Z

first period was fucking TWO HOURS LONG TODAY. but its cool, because i got to watch "wag the dog", and that movie was really good.

steph told me that ryan was coming home today, and i got excited. i knew he was coming, but i didnt know it was this soon.

liz, britt and jeffy came over to see "hannibal" aka sir, today. it was fun, because he was biting everyone with his needle teeth. heh. jeffy calls him the berenstain bear now and needle tooth now, since everyone has their own name for him.

me and britt hung out for a while, and played with the dog and cuddled for a bit.

then my dad came home, and we went upstairs to be alone. we semi-napped, until my mom came home and let the dog in my room.

then i took britt home and went to jeffy's to play my amp.

damn my amp sounds so nice. the tone quality is fucking insane.

anyway, we played for like twenty mins, and he had to go eat.

i went back home to eat. ryan came over, and he ate too. its good to see him, eventhough i saw him two weeks ago at prom. this time, he's back for good (aka, four months).

we called matt and he said to meet him at caribou coffee. so we did. talked for a bit, and then we had to leave, since ryan had to unpack and was tired.

FUCK! i just realized that i missed chapelle's show/the real world.

anyway, me and ryan listened to postal service on the way home. and he was amazed when i said that death cab for cutie's members were "pushing fourty".i showed him a pic when he dropped me off, and he said i was right.

we watched "the sound of settling" and "the district sleeps alone tonight" videos, both of which he's never seen.

then he left, and i started work on the tour for the band. ive got about fifteen to twenty places up and down the east coast so far. im still working on that as i type. its kinda sad that noone else in the band is working on getting some "out of state shows", but i dont mind. its all good, right?

anyway, im going to bed soon. tired as fuck. that dog wears me out.

goodnight.

..you remind me of home

2004-04-27T02:11:32Z

got my new half stack today, both ampeg. both expensive.

http://www.ampeg.com/images/products/SVT-350H.jpg (head)

http://www.ampeg.com/images/products/SVT-410HLF.jpg (cab)

i skipped third, fourth and fifth today, beacuse i didnt feel good, and i wanted to see my new puppy.

this week, im looking foward to:

spending time with britt
recording
ryan coming home/hanging out with him
relaxing
playing with the new puppy
playing with the new half-stack

goodnight everyone.

..your heart breaks like glass

2004-04-26T03:01:46Z

today wasnt so bad. and im not being scarcastic.

at eleven o'clock, i met my new puppy, teddybear. my parents call him "t-bear" but, i call him "sir". and as soon as i saw him, my whole mood changed.

he's eight weeks old, less than ten pounds and is a golden retreiver. he's the cutest thing that ive ever seen.

i played with him until i had to go to work at two.

work fucking blows. got screwed over again. called in to say that i was going to be late, due to traffic on north point parkway, and dori says "alright, ill give you five minutes". wow, that helps alot.and then paul rolls in ten mins after me, and he didnt call at all.

anyway, i get off work early at seven thirty and head home to play with him.

ill post some pics later.

every single one of you are going to go "awww".

anyway, i just did my "questions" on john grisham's "the brethren". didnt get to read all of it, but luckily, some idiots on amazon.com gave away the ending.

HA HA. fuck you.

so, this is me saying goodnight.

goodnight.

..the tension is getting higher, its getting harder, for us, to get along

2004-04-25T14:31:34Z

sure, go ahead and leave me at home, while you pick out the new dog without me.

this has been the shittiest two weeks of my entire life.

hopefully recording will cheer me up.

oh wait, noone gave me an exact date to take off of work, so im FUCKING WORKING WHEN WE'RE SUPPOSED TO BE RECORDING. and of all the weekends in the world, we pick this one.

the weekend of music midtown. where all my asshole co-workers are going, and wont take my shifts.

"whoo! lets get shitfaced and watch terrible music."

i hope i get my swr amp on monday. that would cheer me up.

xobstacleonex @ 2004-04-25T00:32:00

2004-04-25T04:41:47Z

today started out wonderful, but then turned fucking terrible.

i slept at britt's last night, and ate breakfast there this morning. i also helped around their house and stuff.

i go home to take a shower, beacause my dad said that we could go to guitar center at two. ends up that he "has" to paint, AGAIN, and ends up breaking his promise.

i take the shower, and go to sleep watching vh1 classic, because i feel like shit.

so then britt calls me an hour later, and asks me what we should do. i end up going over there for almost an hour, and then going back home beacuse i dont feel good.

later, my dad says that we can go to guitar center on monday. i hope that he'll feel bad enough that we end up buying the amp. fingers crossed.

then i go to work, which was fucking terrible. im the only one with a break at seven thirty, so i dont do shit my entire time off. then i have to clean "man on fire" by myself, because they put josh's break at eight. i think they're trying to get back at me beacuse i took so much time off. whatever. fuck ua. i need a better job, with managers that actually fucking care about their employees and can do their jobs.

and tomorrow morning, my parents are going out and buying a fucking golden retreiver.

WHY?!

its been a week and two fucking days since baron died. why the fuck are we going about this so soon? dont you need time to rebuild your composure, so then you can do that? do you realize how much time and effort you need to put into this?

*sigh*

i fucking hate my parents somtimes. its obvious that i dont mean anything anymore.

well, i hope you all had a better night than i did.

goodnight.

.."forge this year-long mistletoe?", but you say no

2004-04-23T20:41:25Z

today seems like its going to be a decent day.

i got school out of the way with minor problems. i got a sixty on my music theory quiz, so cassola let me redo it. and i got a eighty. "it must've been a bad day" he said. i nodded and said "thats an understatement". thank god he's not an evil teacher.

i got home and fell asleep while watching "groundhog day" with bill murray.

im going out to dinner with the family, and britt and her mom. sounds like its going to be fun. because whenever we do this kinda thing, it turns out to be.

i was thinking that we could go see a movie afterwords. maybe "secret window" or "the girl next door" or something.

thank god i dont have to work today.i almost feel like i should be getting a call from ua saying "why the fuck arent you at work?", but im not supposed to be.

its my first friday off in..forever.

well, most likely ill be tying more tonight. so ill stop now.

..you break my heart into a thousand pieces and you say its because i diserve better?

2004-04-23T00:11:18Z

..and then the day turned to shit

ive had the worst two weeks in my entire life.

i thought to myself: "hey, it can only get better from here". but now, ive realized that it cant. it wont. and frankly, i dont give a shit anymore.

i dont want to talk to anyone, anymore. its not you its me.

i dont diserve to talk.

here i am, saying goodnight at eight o'clock.

maybe i'll actually mean it this time.

..i wont apologize, fuck you

2004-04-22T21:27:24Z

today wasnt such a great day.

i didnt have a car, and i wont until five thirty or six. my mom had to stay late tonight, so thats the reason that happened.

band practice tonight. until about nine thirty.

im bringing over both cameras so we can take some fun pics, and make a weird band video.

theres my dad now.

goodbye, friends.

..i was the one worth leaving

2004-04-22T03:43:14Z

here i am. eleven fourty at night. still on the fucking computer.

i thought to myself: "go to bed at a decent hour tonight. you need sleep"

but no.

ill end up being awake at fucking one a.m. tonight, and wake up in a tiring daze.

albert checked out the studio today. apparently its really nice.

we're recording in two weeks. on the weekend. we're doing two songs:

"roswell" and "we shine, we burn"

i would say goodnight, but most likely, ill be awake.

*sigh*

i fucking hate myself.

..up against the wall, up against the wall

2004-04-22T02:46:52Z

today was a pretty slow day.

two fire drills at school made it go by faster. the first one in third, during my music theory quiz on first and second species counterpoints. and the second, in between third and fourth. the second was the best, since i got to see mark, walker, john, jersey phil and david. we chatted. it was a waste of time.

i had to stay in school for homeroom, since there was this "imporant senior meeting". i got there late since i was waiting for britt (who was at home the entire time). anyway, the "imporant annoncements" were for senior field day (not attending) and project graduation (which is retarded, and expensive).

so essentially, it was fucking useless for me to go to.

chris and i left that thing early, and he gave me a ride to britt's. it was then, that i realized that she was home.

we went to my house, and i ate fried rice that i made yesterday, and then we went to the mall/old navy. she bought a nice suit jacket from rich's. and then we came back to her house.

we faught (in a playful way) for about thirty mins, and then we went to sleep.

i woke up at seven, and told her i had to go. we had this semi-argument about how i dont spend enough time with her on wednesday's (since i dont have band practice that day). i had promised me parents to be home at seven to make dinner and spend some time with them (which i never do), and thats what we were "fighting" about.

we both concluded that we were sick (literally) and i ended up going home.

me and my parents made dinner, and we watched the o.c. (i know), together. its not a bad show, to be honest. and someone from the cast reminds me of someone i know faily well, but i wont say who.

i called britt in between commercials. i left a message. i hope she gets it.

then i came upstairs and found an im from britt saying that i got her in trouble. most likely beacuse i was over when she was "sick".

by the way, i didnt talk to you today meggie. so this is my message to you:

happy birthday/incubus day

i saw you rockin the shirt though.

time for this entry to end.

..saw you in my headlights, blink, blink, blink, i should run you down for the weight you left on me

2004-04-21T02:29:21Z

britt had a doctor's appointment today, so she got to come over at one/two today.

had band practice at five thirty. we got two new songs almost completed, and brainstormed on my new one. i dont think i like my new song, so i think im going to just "trash it".

not much else happened today.

but tomorrow..tomorrow is fucking:

INCUBUS DAY

so im wearing my hoody with my "aclotm" patch on it. and possibly a shirt, and a pin. maybe even an old school incubus shirt from when i was wearing a size "XL" shirt.

who knows?

i talked to meggie for the first time ever today. she didnt know that her birthday is on incubus day, and she said that she likes her birthday even more now. she's really cool. i dont know why people seem to dislike her.

anyway, tomorrow is my day off from work/band, etc. i was thinking of seeing a movie with britt or something.

goodnight.

..it hurts you so much, like you're choking, choking

2004-04-20T04:22:56Z

i talked to the infamous pin thrower yesterday. he said he did it out of boredom, and i pleaded my case to him. he seems like an alright guy, i guess.

i also confronted kristen about the pins. she said she had nothing to do with it, which i believe. then she thought that i was blaming her for doing that, which i wasnt. i know she's going through some tough times as well.

and p.s. kristen: i dont hate you.

had to work tonight. fucking six to twelve. never doing that again on a school night. i ended up getting home at fucking twelve fifteen.

surprisingly, today wasnt that bad of a day. except for the whole working thing.

i get home tonight and i see an im from james (aka jeopardy) calling me "a fucking asshole". id really like to know what this is about, since i clearly dont know. i love that guy and wouldnt do anything to make him think that. i guess ill be talking to him in the morning.

that paragraph above is really eating at me. i wish i knew his cell number. i think his words just made my day a bad day.

..they said "breathe deeply son"

2004-04-18T19:58:07Z

id like to give a special thanks to the kind, kind people who thought it would be cool to throw pins at us during out set on friday. if you dont like us, then dont fucking watch us, but atleast have some sort of respect. and we know who you are.

prom night was alright. my pants fell apart in the middle of dinner. john tried to fix them for me, but it didnt work. so i went to the nearby target, and stole some safety pins, and got them pinned. it worked, i guess.

the after party was fun. we all hung out in the hot tub and ate bagel bites, etc. my mom was trying to be cool with my friends, but she was drunk (as usual) and it was fucking embarassing.

me and britt slept together. it was nice. and we watched really bad porn together. laughed our asses off. john and tara watched some too, but it wasnt as funny.

woke up and ate some muffins and drank orange juice and coffee. ryan left to go back to florida. he'll be back in two and a half weeks, which is fucking awesome.
then britt left, because she got grounded. then john and tara.

i had to clean up the house, which didnt take too long.

then i took a shower, and britt called me to tell me that she can go to liz's bar-b-que, eventhough she's grounded. so we're going to that a little later.

we're all going to see "kill bill volume two" tonight at seven. call me if you want to come.

..everything will be the same tomorrow

2004-04-17T16:39:46Z

this whole entire week has been shitty for me. last night wasnt any better.

we played at south forsyth. i wish we didnt though. we played/sounded terrible, bottom line.

i saw one way letter play, and they were really good. but at that point, all my friend had left, and i was there alone. chopper john went on. i heard that they're this amazing ska band (not a rapper). but i had to go home, because it was almost eleven thirty.

i got a demo from one way letter and that provided music for the way home. their rhythm guitarist was really intergetic. i wish i looked like him.

a fine line was good. the whole crowd was there for them, pretty much. sweet lucy brown was pretty good too. their bassist is really good, and he has a nice ampeg stack. i liked the hardcore band that was on before us, but they played too long, so we had to cut out one of our songs because of it. but oh well, i think it was better that way anyway.

thanks for the people who didnt come out and witness the shittiness. and im sorry to the people who DID witness our shitty performance. we apologize. we have made a pact not to suck anymore.

i just want this week to be over.

prom is tonight. i get to see ryan and steph and john and tara and liz and john and britt all dressed up. i hope i get to see lauran and jordan tonight too.

and jordan, about what i said last night..forget it. i was in a bad mood. i wouldnt dream of doing that.

well, im off to get corsages/boutonnieres(sp?), and other shit for tonight.

i love you.

xobstacleonex @ 2004-04-15T14:25:00

2004-04-15T18:25:09Z

he's gone.

forever.

he wont ever be replaced.

i hope he's not in pain anymore.

i love you, my brother.

..lets go under and hold our breath

2004-04-15T11:44:33Z

its seven thirty in the morning. i was awakened by my mother, to say goodbye (not forever, yet) to my dog.

its been a great sixteen years. lots of things have happened between us. you were my first real best friend. and sometimes i feel like ive taken advantage of you, and not payed enough attention to you.

if you cant tell, im really broken up over this. i cant believe that my dog might die today, because he seems invincible. i mean, fuck, he's been alive for sixteen years. some dogs like him live to be ten, but he's "surpassed his quota".

my parents took him to the vet about ten minutes ago. i hope im there when he goes, or else im going to be really really fucking upset. ive got all these images flashing in my mind about whats going to happen. and it makes me fucking sad.

the band is playing at seven thirty now. make up your fucking minds.

im tired. and i cant go to sleep. im too busy worrying about him. and how he's feeling. and if he's suffering or not.

i love you.